To All Who Want Pictures

I'm holding off on pictures now until everything is done. There are so many delicious wonderful surprises in this house: painting where you least expect them, murals, quilts, books, games. The garden is nearly finished. They had to come back and do the backyard because it just didn't fit with the rest. So now we will have a patio for real, with a place to barbecue.

Slowly the art goes up on the walls, as slowly as the murals are being painted. I am of a mind to learn to do this myself, since walls as pallette is a fascinating concept.

I have come to an unusual conclusion. Buying fabric is of itself an art form. I watch people in the fabric stores, and I am fascinated with how many of them are holding their patterns -- be it for dresses or quilts or whatever -- and carefully measuring out each piece. That is so not me. I fondle, look, regard, smell, drape. I load my cart with bolts that leap out and yell ME ME ME as I pass them by. I have a half yard of sparkly silky stuff right now that I just fell in love with, and two yards of luscious silvered silk that makes me wish I looked good in a Burka instead of an aging Norwegian in a fancy schmatta. I am sure I will find something to do with it. My carts are always a riot of color, and I never really know how much of something I'm going to buy until it is spread out on the cutting table, preferably next to a couple of others.

The biggest problem I have is that my mind's eye greatly exceeds the scope of my abilities. I picture a gorgeous wall hanging of a woman bearing a water jug on her shoulder, gracefully striding down a path, with that lovely silk I purchased draped and flowing. But I have no idea of how to execute what I see in my head. It is a huge frustration. Classes are beyond me right now; too much pain and discomfort to be able to sit in a class and really learn and pay attention. And I'm not sure there are classes that teach you how to pull things out of your mind and into a multi-dimensioned reality.

Perhaps I just have to try. Just create. Just do it, as they say. And be willing to scrap it and do it again and again until it is right. If it weren't such a burning desire I would set it aside. but it calls to be done.

SATURDAY

The u-haul has been reserved; the furniture has been assembled; the boxes are everywhere. The landscaping is nearly finished and will be revealed to us tomorrow, complete with moving trailer ala home makeover. We are still needing a few more pieces of furniture, but nothing that can't be dealt with. It is exciting, exhilarating, intimidating.

This is OUR house. It isn't some pre-made plans, quick assemble, there'll be 40 more of them down the block house. It's ours: our design, our touches, our colors. It says HOME and has since the first day we stepped on to the lot, tiny as it is. What is best is that no one was injured during the building; no accidents, no missteps. The weather tried to get in the way, but today the sun is shining and I can only hope for good weather on Saturday too.

Finally, we are going home. This is where we will spend the rest of our lives, doing the things we love to do. What could be better than that?

ALMOST DONE

The landscaping will be done next Wednesday, and we should be moved in by the weekend. It has been a long long 9 months; gestation is never easy. LOL

I am thrilled with the house. I will be taking tons and tons of pictures. There are boxes on top of boxes in the garage, all from Ikea, waiting to be assembled. The guys will be doing that next week, and I hope by the weekend we will be moved in. sigh...

Blurring the Lines

I've finally managed to sever my ties to a game I have been playing on the internet for far too long. I've discovered the world of web-based browser games. Some of them are quite fascinating, but after getting sucked into the truly nasty politics of one of those games, I did a little research and found that nearly all of the browser games that have game and forum are nasty little mosh pits for what appears to be mostly young teen males to become verbal bullies. All of these forums prohibit racism, homophobia, and vulgarity. But I've never before experienced the level of verbal attack and nastiness that is on nearly off of these forums. Even WOW, which is not web-based, has this level of nastiness on its web-based forums.

I remember my teen years -- unrelenting bullying. This is nothing new. I had just forgotten how truly horrible teenage bullying can be, and how terrible my own personal experience was. Being on these boards revived my feelings, and it wasn't good.

I wonder how parents cannot know that their kids are bullies. I can't quite bring myself to believe that these kids parents would tolerate such behavior in their children; but there are bullying adults out there, and I suppose they find it "clever" and "precocious" when their young do it.

The level of nastiness I have encountered, viewed and endured on these boards is far worse than the bullying I bore during my teens. These kids are far more verbal, and thus far more inventive in what they say. What disturbs me is that they have no concept of how much harm their words are doing, nor do they seem to care. The harm has already been done to their spirits; they have lost all compassionate connection with other people and associate only with those whose separation from their fellows equals their own. For all I know they may volunteer at animal shelters, senior centers, or food banks. They may be happy participants in church activities, and show all the outward behaviors of caring loving people. But their words are poison, to themselves as well as the people they attack. And the anonymity of the computer bares the dark night of their soul.

I'm back in the world of REAL people, where motives are out there for all to see. It's much nicer, and more nourishing. I worry about these kids. I don't think they have a happy forever after life waiting for them. And that's sad. They are worth as much of our pity as their victims are of our compassion.

PICTURES

This is my Upstairs master closet. It is 7 x 11. It will be our main storage area as well as our clothes closet.



This is one of two closets in my studio. This one will have shelves for fabric, supplies, and "stuff".



My other stuiod closet, this one runs under the stairs and has lots of room for storage of tubs and things as well as ironing boards, and other large things.





This is our upstairs game room. At the far end and to the right is a small alcove where we will mount our large flat screen tv. We plan to have circular game tables in front of both windows, and the wall to the right will hold various artworks we have acquired.



This is a closeup of the decorative tile in the master bath. I thoroughly intend to take a rubbing or two, especially with some inks on fabric.



This is our master shower. It is 5x5, and has a rain head in the center wall. Also not showing is the wall jet on the left that will hit our backs as we sit on the built in teak bench.



Mail box says its almost home!



And, drum roll, this is Bailey, our newest family member. She loves her new coat.

Almost There

Sorry, no pictures yet. But the house is nearly done. The painting touch ups are being done. The final inspections will be completed today, and we will have a certificate of occupancy. The closets are ready to be installed with their shelves and stuff. The baseboard trim is nearly complete. Carpets go in upstairs early next week. And as soon as the rest of the money comes in the chair lift for the stairs and the landscaping will be complete. There is much cleaning to be done. We expect/hope to move in about the 15th of April. Whee

We have a new family member. Bailey is a 7 year old dachshund rescue. She is what they call a "tweenie", not quite standard nor miniature. Her ideal weight is about 12 pounds, so she needs to lose about 3 pounds. She had to have extensive dental work done, including losing a lot of teeth. But she is much happier now for having those nasty abscessed teeth gone. Bailey is an absolute delight. Right now she is sleeping on Rex's sweatshirt, with her nose buried under the sleeve. She loves to burrow, which as I recall is a Dachsie trait. We adore her and wonder why we didn't have a dog until now. There will be more. Dachsies, I have discovered, are like cats. You can't just have one. Or is that potato chips. :D Pictures soon.

Let There Be Light - Even When Stuffed

There are some of the lights we have in the new home, and the view out the front window of our front room. It is much lighter, but for some reason my digital camera would not capture the light nor would the flash work. But it is all good since we are going to have two banks of full spectrum fluorescents running the length of the room.

This morning we went to the London Grill at the Benson Hotel for brunch. It rather reminded me of a cruise ship, where you board as passengers and disembark as freight. So much good food. I sampled a tiny bit of a lot of different things, and it was all very much fun. These people really mean brunch. There was everything from eggs benedict to pasta, prime rib to cheese blintzes, and a seafood bar I could happily have browsed all day.

The desert table was ... words fail me. Things there I have never seen before, and I thought I knew deserts.

So I am properly ushered into the beginning of my 67th year on this planet. I am 66; I've been here 66 years. All in all, taking stock, I think I've done okay. I believe I can honestly say that there are many places and many people who are better off for my having been here. I can think of no better euology. And if I live another 20 years, as I hope to do, I am sure I will be able to say the same at that point. It is the only way to live one's life, in my opinion. And it is a very selfish point of view; because everything I do reflects back upon me. When I send out my energy it "ties" me to the thing or the person in a multitude of invisible ways.

I'm spending the rest of the day working on a self protrait I started a while back. It is taking shape nicely.

Time Keeps on Slipping

So much has happened recently, you'd think I'd be all over this blog. On the eve of the eve of my 66th birthday, I find myself unable to think of much to say. I am officially admitting to severe depression. I now know what it is. It isn't that black dark hole; it isn't sadness; it isn't grief. It's numbness, lassitude, not knowing what to do from one day to the next.

I'm officially depressed.

I have been reading through this blog, and realized that the person who started this journey has been in hiding somewhere for the past couple of years. I think everything just finally caught up with me: breast cancer, death of several in-laws, death of cats, moves, and more moves; loss of friends through time, boredom and disagreements. It all just caught up. And I let myself drift into the trap of on-line games, letting them substitute for friends and the real world.

So, time to stop. Time to sign off the game, destroy my towns, say goodbye, and get back into the real world.

I'll be 66 on Sunday. I was contemplating ignoring the day, acting as if it were not special. I think instead I will celebrate.

Fir - 1995-2009

Fir has followed his litter brother to the catnip fields, nearly two months to the day. For the first time in my adult life, I am without a pet in the house. It feels strangely empty and devoid of a special energy I had not really been aware of.

Fir and Thomas were my husband's cats. I cannot imagine how bereft he must feel right now. There has been so much loss for him: his mother, his father, his brother, and now both of his cats. I who have felt so much loss have no words for him, only hugs and loving presence.

We may find out what caused Fir's final sickness. He started coughing and wheezing, and then just stopped eating. Was it kitty grief? Did he feel the loss of his brother more than we knew? I have no idea. I know he was in pain. I know his loss hurts me more than I thought it would.

Fir was one of those cats who assumed that the whole world loved him. Any stranger visiting might find him or herself catlapped, or even shouldered. He loved to drape himself over a shoulder and purr his heart out. I never felt a softer cat -- his fir was like mink, black lush mink. With his deep green eyes, and greyish white undercoat he was a sleek leopard of a cat. When he was younger he was a phenomenal leaper. We once found him on top of the floor to near ceiling bookcase. How he managed that was a puzzle we never solved.

The house is so silent now. Rest in peace, fur brothers. We miss both of you more than we can say.

25 Things...

Since I've been tagged twice now, and I'm refusing to do stuff on Facebook that gets me more exposed, I'll put my 25 here. If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged and find somewhere to post your 25 things -- or email them to me; I'm bored.

1. I've dug up dinosaur bones.

2. I was born in Silverton, Oregon.

3. I was adopted when I was 6 months old.

4. I danced with Fritz Leiber and got drunk with Harlan Ellison.

5. I am addicted to murder mysteries, especially Charlaine Harris and Robert Parker.

6. I have always owned cats, who do not like me, and have never owned a dog, who all seem to universally love me. I have determined that if I get another pet, it will be a dog. Perhaps a small one.

7. I love giving things away. I want to win the lottery so I can stand on a street corner and hand people $100 bills for an hour. With an armed guard at my side. (Hey, I'm a realist.)

8. I owned my first home at age 56. At age 66 my new home I am having built will be my third house I have owned. Time to put down some roots.

9. I am 100% in favor of gay marriage, and 110% in favor of love.

10. I am extremely liberal.

11. I played the cello until my early 20s, and was principal cellist of the Portland Jr. Symphony

12. I played the piano until my early 20s, and was never principal pianist of anything.

13. I sing in the shower, loudly, and love the sound of my voice. When I am not in the shower, I do not love the sound of my voice.

14. I harbor a secret desire to act in a play, any play.

15. I spend too much time alone, and hunger for the contact of like minds. I pretend that the people in the computer are real.

16. I have no boobs.

17. I own 28 bookshelves full of books. They are mostly science fiction, mysteries, and adventure. I have ever book Robert Ludlum has written, as well as Robin Cook and Dean Kuntz.

18. Nothing provides more pleasure than a quiet warm day at the garden, sitting peacefully in the shade, writing or sketching.

19. I have swam in the ocean nude, and sat in a hot springs at midnight in the mountains, staring at the stars.

20. I was in San Francisco for the entire Summer of Love, and in retrospect would have to say it was not so lovely as people would like you to think.

21. I once at breakfast with Janis Joplin.

22. I shook hands with Muhammed Ali and chatted for a minute. He was charming, intelligent and delightful.

23. I have 5 grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren.

24. My adopted mother was a suffragette.

25. My adopted father was born in Norway. I grew up eating Norwegian food except for lutefisk, which to this day I have still managed to avoid. I have however eaten grasshoppers and snails, which I think is homage enough to strange gustatory experiences.

Sunday, Sunday

The brats are in the fridge, waiting to be grilled. The sauerkraut is ready. Since beer is no longer on my menu and sodas are out, the fizzy water with flavor and no sugar is chilling. Superbowl Sunday, gotta love it around here. I've given in to my inner football fan, and remembered how much I love the game.

I hear the Obamas are hosting a superbowl party. Somehow I didn't really think that an invitation was in the works, but hey, I donated. I can dream. I would love to be having a party myself, but my particular circle of friends are "above" football, as one of them liked to comment. I realize how visceral and uncivilized football can be. But I look at all those charts and diagrams, and the lists of plays on the quarterback's wrist, and know that it is far more complex than appearances would indicate. I am pleased that more and more, football announcers are former players and coaches. They have given me a greater understanding and appreciation of the game.

My head is clogged with ideas for art pieces I want to do. Some of them I know I will realize with much work but not a lot of difficulty. Others I doubt my ability to create, and this frustrates the heck out of me. Nevertheless I shall press ahead and try. I have some people in my periphery who subscribe to the notion that if you are pretty sure you won't be able to do something you might as well not try, because then you won't fail. I come from a different point of view. I figure the surest way to fail is never to try.

I am deferring most of my projects until we are in the new house. I'm lusting after that lovely open space of mine, and hopeful I will feel more like creating once we are there. For now, I'm spending my days making plans for the things I will make, and choosing floor tiles and lighting. Choosing the various light fixtures for an entire house has pretty much taxed my creative bone for a while.